Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
