i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
