Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
