There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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