even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
