tell your sister to shave her snatch
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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