Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
