The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize