When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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