You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay