the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.