im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*