she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE