Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
