You made me cry and you don't even care
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
