I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
