erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I believe in your delicious
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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