My friends, they love my intelligence
it was like eating out sand paper
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
