i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
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We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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