So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
