dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
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Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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