and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
