someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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