I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize