wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
