He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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