Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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