What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
