I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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