so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
