eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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