Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she woke up with a sticky ear
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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