you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
