He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
