so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cannot find my penis.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
