i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
