You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
