I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
