The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
