Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My bed smells like the plague
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
