I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
