You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
