A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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