Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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