you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
