I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
