Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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