Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
