He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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