i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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