I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
