was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
