Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
