We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
