if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
