Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
