dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
