K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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