After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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