Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
this hospital has no fireball
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize