I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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