Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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