So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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